EMTs and paramedics are required to attend many training classes, exercises, and updates. Every few months, we receive orders sent to our stations notifying us that we have been scheduled to spend one of our days off at the training academy, usually for a full eight hour shift of overtime. It gives us the chance to meet old coworkers who may have transferred, meet others who work in different parts of the city, and sit side by side with colleagues of various ranks who are participating for the same reasons.
I was lucky to attend one of these days of training with one of the mentors I tried to model myself after when I became a lieutenant. So on that day, in addition to learning about whatever topic was being talked about, my favorite supervisor taught me the equalizing power of the ‘cheese sandwich’.
Possible recipients of the culinary delight usually make themselves known early in the shift, often when everyone is milling about, seeing who else they will be spending the day with. When we walked in, my mentor picked him out right away.
There was another lieutenant in our class who I knew was disliked by many EMTs and paramedics. As it usually turned out, those same people are also unpopular with others within their own rank as well. This lieutenant was complaining as we walked in, of being inconvenienced because he had to come here, overlooking, I suppose, that all of us were here on our day off when we could be doing other things. He bragged about how far he had to drive, since he lived in an exclusive Long Island zip code. The rest of us wouldn’t understand what that was like, obviously, because we all lived in the slums of NYC, but apparently, it was a long drive, a very long drive. And there was traffic, lots of it. Traffic, however, didn’t seem to be of concern later as he continued to lengthen our lectures by interjecting his ‘unique’ work stories, not for our entertainment, but to let us all know about the hardships he’s had to endure. He didn’t need this training day, obviously. He had more than enough experience. We should be learning from him.
Most of the time, training days follow a predictable pattern. At the beginning of the day, the instructor will come in, give a brief outline of what is on the schedule, and, before starting, circulate a lunch list. Our academy is located in Fort Totten and sometimes we do training drills on Randall’s Island. Both locations are extremely isolated and with only a half-hour for meal, it would be difficult to leave, get food, and come back in time to eat it. So one of the options they came up with was to send around a menu from a deli they have an arrangement with and place an order to be delivered in time for the meal. The deli they use is very popular and most people place an order.
The menu and the order list got passed around the room during the first lecture. When it made its way to us sitting in the back, we had an opportunity to review what the others were anticipating for lunch, and make changes as needed. Our inconvenienced complainer of the morning saw his “Roast Beef Sandwich with Mayo” swapped out for “One Slice of Muenster Cheese on White Bread, please”.
After it was delivered, the class got to enjoy the ramblings of the loudest complainer of the afternoon as well, as he was cranky from having nothing but a slice of Muenster cheese on white bread for lunch (peasant food). He was about to complain to the deli but on the order sheet, it was clearly written that he had received exactly what was specified.
“Someone’s a big joker, I see.” he told everyone, proving once again that he was the smartest man in the room. He sought solidarity with me, after reviewing the whole list, saying “You and I, someone’s got it out for us.”
“Um, I actually did order a cheese sandwich,” I told him quietly.
He viewed me with suspicion. Why would someone CHOOSE a cheese sandwich when there was roast beef on the menu? I was vegetarian at the time and he most likely considered me a suspect. Now that I’ve given up dairy as well I would have been way more annoying, of course. [And since I I’ve opened up this opportunity (***warning***) to be truly, stereotypically annoying I will add that as a connoisseur of the cheese sandwich, even though mine are slightly less enjoyable these days, it needs to be noted that meatless sandwiches are lovely in their own right. There are all kinds of substitutes out there that are great too, but seriously, salad on a bread is a wonderful and creative way to eat healthier. I’ve even provided a few links at the end.]
OK, we can get back to vengeance now…
Another variation that has been done involved calling the deli while they were making the orders and complaining in advance. When you call them you pretend to be the person who ordered #12. You tell them you have ordered the lunch list sandwich many times and they have yet to provide you with acceptable sustenance. You don’t have much optimism but you hope that this time they might possibly provide more than the few strands of shredded lettuce that you’ve become accustomed to getting. The bread will probably also be terrible and well. The cheese, there’s never enough cheese but what choice do you have? You’re stuck at training, you expect to be disappointed. Perhaps next time a more suitable vendor can be contracted. This all practically guarantees a nice sandwich on old bread that would have otherwise been tossed. Your recipient will receive far more of the necessary greens he is probably low on and it should also, most likely, come with an extra helping of saliva.
One accidental variation I have been told of, involved someone ordering a ‘cheese sandwich’ for someone else and then feeling bad when that sandwich was delivered. They offered their own sandwich to the recipient as consolation and became seen as a huge hero, getting kudos from many who witnessed the act of selflessness. There are probably many other variations out there and it is my hope that the younger generation will build on what has been created.
The ‘cheese sandwich’ eventually evolved to become an all-encompassing term that implied necessary vengeance and applied karma when it was said with relish. When the person you dislike who has been jumping through all kinds of hoops to get promoted suddenly gets denied, it can be said that he was handed a ‘cheese sandwich’ by management. But the term “cheese sandwich’ could also mean that you’ve gotten screwed over when said with disappointment or anger. If a person gets in trouble for something everyone does, like when they ask the dispatcher for a 10-100, which considered a bathroom break, but get caught buying food instead, the infraction paper that they receive from our enforcement arm is referred to as a “cheese sandwich.” Some of us have evolved toward using the ‘cheese sandwich’ metaphorical term in non-work environments, leading to either an elaborate explanation, or even better, a confused conversant who isn’t sure whether they want to know. Metaphorical or real, I think we can all agree that most cheese sandwiches should be avoided.
************
Even though this story wasn’t really about lunch itself, here are a few links for some great plant based lunch options and a video on why it’s best if a true cheese sandwich is avoided as well.
https://namelymarly.com/best-vegan-sandwiches/
Recent Comments