It’s an interesting day when a rare opportunity presents itself that, with one small intervention, could change lives forever. I found myself in such a situation one day doing overtime in the daylight hours when a random observation combined with the kind of inspiration sleep deprivation brings had me believing that I could perhaps bring two lonely people together.

I had dropped off my patient at the hospital and walked down to the station that was nearby in order to use a clean restroom. It was mid-morning when stations are at their busiest. The day shift is when deliveries arrive, medical waste gets hauled away, the cleaning people take care of the facility and there are just so many more people working. When I walked in I noticed a large delivery of supplies was being dropped off by the person in charge of our stockpile management, a humorless man I’ll call Joe. I had never interacted with him personally but he was a dispatcher for a time whose voice only seemed to show any sign of happiness when he was giving out a late assignment. I knew my favorite lieutenants, who dealt with him more often, seemed to think his brusque demeanor had something to do with a lack of sexual activity.

His serious persona probably served him well as he made a lateral move to the less hectic world of supply distribution. It was unusual to see him personally unpacking as he had moved himself up to being the manager and had more of a desk position doing the ordering and scheduling. His chubby middle-aged body seemed very unaccustomed to the bursts of heavy labor suddenly being thrust upon it. He frequently wiped his brow of sweat and his limited supply of gray hair was in disarray. I wondered where the people who usually do the delivering were and how Joe came to be the one unloading boxes of gauze and medical tape.

As I continued through the station I came across Lt. Susan who must have also been suckered into doing daytime OT. She worked either evenings or the overnights and was a rare sight in the daytime as well. Lt. Susan was a lonely soul who had dedicated much of her life to this job and felt that it couldn’t run without her input. Despite doing everything that she thought they wanted she never got promoted but she she felt that this meant she was essential to the position she had. She persevered, doubling down on her efforts to correct perceived wrongs and strictly enforcing disciplinary rules. There were some who felt that Lt. Susan’s issues had their roots in sexual frustration as well.

A dedication to ones civil service job meant there was no time for personal maintenance or upkeep that went beyond a basic shower. She was a large woman with greasy hair of no discernible cut or style. Her ill fitting uniform pants were hemmed too short and she walked with an odd kind of limp.

As I exited the ladies locker room, Lt. Susan ‘caught me’ using the bathroom. She inquired if I was on a 10-100, the official designation for using facilities. I was not. She gave me a little lecture about proper signalling. Her speech implied that thought she was well within her rights to write me up she was going to let me go. This time. I considered myself warned.

Part of me felt mildly sympathetic towards this person who had nothing else in her life. She, sadly, had few outside interests other than her volunteer fire department, which was just more of the same.

Joe passed by with a box and Lt. Susan paid him no mind. As she walked back to her office it struck me how they both seemed to be lonely and unpopular with quickly diminishing prospects. When I got back to my partner I let him know I saw Lt. Susan, someone he despised with great passion thanks to her penchant for writing frivolous Command Disciplines against him. I mentioned seeing Joe as well and speculated that perhaps pairing them up might solve two problems. He agreed and we got to work.

It’s a slight advantage for people who work during the day to have stores that are open so you can get your matchmaking materials immediately and not have to wait for a day off or make a special trip. We went to the dollar store and purchased a dollar store version of a ‘Thinking of You’ greeting card. There was also a sale on granny panties.

We put some effort into making one of the panties look slightly used. We stretched out the elastic and washed them a few times to wear out the material a little. We decided not to go with the easy/obvious brown stain that less creative types may have been drawn to and instead concentrated on believable looking food stains that implied the garments usefulness as fine dining apparel.

When we were finally satisfied with the result we placed them in an interoffice envelope along with the card and it’s simple message:

“Dear Joe,

Thanks for the extra supplies. Next time stay for coffee!”

xo Sue xo

I imagined the face Joe would make when he stretched his arms to hold up the granny panties. Surprise? Flattery? Would he consider a romantic encounter with the eccentric spinster? Who is to say what his preferences were? We would always wonder about the outcome. Perhaps he would be disgusted by such a forward act of animal lust. But if it had led to the unlikely scenario that he considered setting up a romantic date night and in the even more unlikely scenario that Susan would agree to go out with him I would not have been disappointed.